wow
it's been a while.
i'm now 15 and i've got a boyfriend.
the new school i'm now is starting to feel like home, and i've found my first real female bestfrnd.
 speaking of bestfrnds, i am still bestfrnds with my other bestfrnd (the guy, that one who confessed his feelings to me). we're closer now, much closer.
 i got a phone, got it lost. got another one, got it lost too. and now i've got a new one. all in two and a half months.
 i'm not careless tho. LOL!!!
 for now, life is fine.
fine....not great, not wonderful, not perfect, no, not even close to that.
it's just fine.
<3

what gives to be perfect?
well, i don't get it.
i have this "frenemy" at school. she used to be my friend but now she's my worst enemy, like the most popular girl in school.
all perfect, little miss Tatiana Smith.
she's got the boys, the looks and the butt....but PLASTIC SURGERY?!!!!!!
oh come ON, that's too much, way outta line.
Tatiana's 15, a year older than me and she's talking about plastic surgery for her nose. yeah, her nose does make her look like Owen Wilson but isn't surgery too much?
yesterday she was saying something about her mom approving of her silly nose job.
what a mom!!!
for all i know, Tatiana's nose could be falling to one side in the next 20 years, and it'll melt off like Michael Jackson's.
ew!
even though we we're talking, i went up to her to....well, i don't know what i went to do but i said this to her: "don't ruin your beauty."
"don't tell me what to do, bitch. just cuz i'm better than you, doesn't mean you have to bring me down when i'm climbing a step higher," she replied.
"i didn't mean..." and that how i trailed off.
she just blew her gum up my nose and catwalked down the hallway.
i just stood beside her locker.
well go ahead Tatiana, be perfect!!!!
i don't care! even if your nose turns into gooey bits.
what gives to be perfect?!
urgghhhh!!!!!

today i just got a call from my best friend. my best friend is not a "she", he's a "he". he was just telling me that he likes me. and you know what i did? i dropped my phone! everything stopped at that time, the clock in my room stopped ticking, the fan stopped spinning and there was no more oxygen in the air. of course, this was all my imagination. but it seemed real for a second, since i found myself breathing hard and tearing up.
 i left my phone there and ran up here; my sister's room with this laptop, typing in all the crazy things in my head.
 i'm thinking alot of thoughts right now;
 Why did he do this? i mean, did he really have to do it? now everything is ruined! between me and you guys, i think our relationship will end up like a bad episode on "Friend zone". now things will be awkward. i wonder why guys have to be so stupid, so careless, so ..........................just so inconsiderable!
 i had a crush on him once. but that was way before, when we just met. but then i realized that we were only meant to be friends...best friends. and nothing more.
 those feelings faded away through time, and i learned to love him. love him as a brother, a friend and companion. love his unique way of understanding my feelings and the language they speak- a language no one else understood, just him.
 and now he tells me this: i like you, and i think we should get together. 
my heart is weak today. i've lost a best friend,  no, i've lost a brother. an angel, someone i could trust, someone i could hold and cry on, someone i could count on, some one i love.
 i'm staring at the screen of this laptop and my mind keeps repeating to me: it's over..................
it's over.........it's over.
 the fuck i know it's over!!!!!!!
cuz i would feel too lifeless and numb to pick up my phone and dial his number, and he's be too embarrased and confused, or mad even to call me again.
 and when we see each other, we might not talk to each other.
it'll be as if we never knew each other.
 God help me, i'm lost. :(

I'm new to this so i don't know how to start.
OK, maybe i should introduce myself. 
my name is....well, I'm sorry but i can't tell you that. i was born and raised in a tiny West African country called The Gambia. 
i am fourteen and will turn 15 next year, February 9th. 
and yes, i am single.
I'm not really sure why i put up this blog. Heck, I'm not even sure that it's going to be noticed. i don't know.........maybe i just want a space of mine to write about my life, maybe i just want to confess, or maybe i just want people to hear my story. 
whatever it is that i want, and whatever it is why i put up this blog, i hope it's worth it.